Saved!
I was cruisin' around IMDB the other day and, lo and behold, I see before me perhaps the most brilliant comedy EVER! It's nifty and meanspirited little thing called "Saved!". Basically, there's this girl who attends a private Christian school. She becomes pregnant and the entirety of the school turns against her, pointing out her folly and trying to save her soul.
While many have voiced outrage saying "Hey! That's offensive! How can you distribute such blatantly anti-Christian hatred and pass it off as comedy?" the reply has been "Hey! Lighten up! It's just a movie!" or, the more interesting reply, "Christians deserve to be made fun of, the bunch of intollerant *&%$@."
I concur with those who say "Lighten up, it's just a movie." Heck, anyone who remembers some of my posts on our college bulletin board system know that to me, humor can run free without bounds.
SO...that said, I offer up my own little concept for a film titled:
Damned!
Basically, this is about a student who attends a public school. This student finds Truth and accepts Jesus as his Savior. This really ticks off his classmates because the student now has views of right and wrong that differ from the rest of the student body. So, they begin to kick the crap out of him daily, until, ultimately, they kill him. This is okay in their book, as truth, justice, and reality are all subjective and he was an intolerant bigot anyway. But, one day, the kids are all stricken with plague and die. They then go to hell. Upon their arrival in hell, they are greeted by their guide (much like the Inferno). However, instead of Virgil, they get Karl Marx...the lost Marx brother...(get it...LOST...yuck yuck)
Karl raises his eyebrows, taps his cigar and says, "This is the hottest opiate of the people I've EVER seen!"
One of the students asks their guide how long their in for. He replies "Eternity."
"You see, kiddies, you don't really have a concept of that...yet. But, after the first two hundred billion years, you'll get the gist...the next twenty billion years will just fly by, but that kinda sucks...because you still have infinity billion years left."
"That's too intollerant!"
"Well, not really. Remember the plague you died of? It was released by a government agency. The people who released it...they apologized...so they don't have to come down here."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you see...regardless of what you do, if you ask forgiveness and really mean it...you'll be forgiven. Funny how that works."
"You mean, all I had to do was say 'I'm sorry' and I'd have skipped the whole hell thing?"
"Yep. And I'll remind you of that every few epochs, just to make things harder to bear."
"Well, I never..."
"Of course you never, sweetheart. That's why you're here!"
"I don't believe in any of this...any religion that says that there are inalterable rules is flawed and thus beneath me!"
"Oh, hey! You're Wormwood's patient, aren't you! Hey, Wormwood! We got one of yours over here!"
Wormwood strolls over. "One of MINE! Let me hear!"
"You won't hear anything, I've outgrown..." began the student.
"...outgrown such superstitious nonsense as angels and demons!" finished Wormwood.
The student looked shocked.
"Dang!" said Karl. "You ARE good if your tempting holds on even in the face of eternal torment!"
"Years of practice," said Wormwood as he rammed a flaming iron rod through Karl's eye. "Now, run along and let me torment the newbies!"
Karl limped away with the heavy iron rod, still burning, protruding from his head in the front and rear.
Sorry to say that, from this point on, the film is pretty much slapstick. The witty banter and high-brow stuff must be thrown to the winds as it would all be drowned out by the incessant screaming. Not to ruin it for anyone, but there will be a pie fight of the eternally damned as well as a rendition of "Who's on first" modified to correspond with the three tortured souls Satan is continually chewing on at the bottom of circle nine.
What do ya think? On par with Saved!?
Current Mood: Copy and Paste Melancholy - "Sad.Sad.Sad.Sad.Sad.Sad.Sad."
Current Music: "No stop signs...speed limit...nobody's gonna slow me down!"
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