Some REAL propaganda...
...tsk tsk tsk...the people writing propaganda for BOTH sides of the upcoming campaign are just terrible...TERRIBLE! C'mon...you're getting PAID to write propaganda. At least make it ENTERTAINING! So, having a free moment, I'll throw in my own propaganda. I shall continue my "support Bush because everyone else hates him" series with:
THE AMAZING ADVENTURES OF GEORGE BUSH
George and Dick Cheney walk into a bar...
It was a VFW, a very patriotic place with various mementos from past conflicts scattered about the establisment.
George ambles over to the juke box, puts in the requisite number of quarters and selects Freebird, Stairway to Heaven, and the Billy Idol classic Dancing with Myself as his three choices. As the opening guitar melody begins on his first selection, he notices a man lying in the floor under the table adjacent to the juke box. Curious, he motions to Cheney, who has found a booth, that he will be back in a moment.
Bush leans over and asks if the young man is okay. It is then that he notices the knife jabbed under the man's rib cage.
"Son, you're gonna be alright. Let me call an ambulance. Who did this to you?"
"...it was...Hitler..." sputtered the man through blood.
"But...Captain America and I help destroy him years ago...he and Red Skull both are no more..." muttered Bush.
"...it was...his...clone..." gasped the man who then breathed no more.
"Rest easy, partner..." said the commander in chief as he closed the young man's eyes for the last time.
Upon standing, George could see sitting at the far end of the bar none other than Adolf Hitler! He swaggered over to the clone of the former Nazi party leader and said in a stern voice...
"HEY, you! Yeah, you, the guy with the Charlie Chaplin mustache!"
Clone Hitler looked up from his tequila and sneered at the big Texan. "Ja. What do you want?"
"I recognize you. You're the one that got my goat pregnant!"
"I would not have had sex with your goat..." said Clone Hitler in a voice rising in anger and alarm.
"You sayin' my goat ain't good enough for you?"
"NO, just that I never had sex with your goat."
"Oooh, I get it, you're callin' my goat a liar, now, huh?"
"If you are tryin' to pick a fight with me, this isn't very original..." scoffed the cocky re-embodiment of Hitler.
"Suppose you're right..." muttered George who picked up a ceramic eagle statue from behind the bar and dashed it across the Nazi clone's head. Clone Hitler went reeling to the floor. George then tore off his suit and tie revealing the chiselled features that had earned him so many tips as a Chipendales dancer so many years ago. He then picked up Clone Hitler and, summoning all of his strength broke the wicked duplicate in half! The evil that imbued the creature with life consumed the remains of the clone in flame and disappeared.
"What was that all about?" asked Cheney who had run to the president's aid.
"A clone of Hitler. THAT'S why it's important to ban clones, Dick. That's why."
"But, there are already laws on the books about that..."
"I know. But, the Supreme Court decided years ago that they ARE the law. It's only a matter of time until playing god will not only be legal, but be REQUIRED..."
...meanwhile, at the Legion of Doom...
...John Kerry and Lex Luther were conspiring to overthrow the leader of the free world...
"...so you see, Lex. Bush was in a covert black ops unit during that year. As a result, no records of his enlistment will show up on our checks and we can say he was A.W.O.L." said Kerry with a wicked grin.
"You truly are an evil genius, Mr. Kerry," replied Luthor with an air of measured respect. Just then, Solomon Grundy came running in.
"Guys, Bush just won a bar fight with a clone of Hitler. We have to have someone go put a negative spin on it fast!"
"A negative spin on defeating Hitler. This will require some work," said Lex Luthor.
"Not really," said Kerry with an evil laugh. "We will send in the media."
"The media? But why?"
"They have an axe to grind with Bush," explained Kerry.
"How so?" asked Grundy in his usual tone of perpexed calm.
"Well, Bush started this whole gay marriage amendment thing just to divert the attention of the media. You see, as we all know, the liberal media is very easily led because they have precious little wit, yet wish for the world to hear their inane babble and praise their intelligence. So, Bush used this gay marriage amendment as a smoke screen to cover the passage of the Unborn Victims of Violence Act. Everyone knows that this amendment is doomed, yet it was just what the Republicans needed to get the liberals to shift their focus so this other, more important back door to stopping abortion law was passed. The media is enraged that they were so easily duped."
"I see," said Luthor. "Then we shall dispatch our three greatest emisaries..."
...back at the bar...
...Bush and Cheney are having a round of cool, refreshing Guinness when in through the door bursts Tom Brokaw, Michael Moore, and Al Franken.
"We've come to sully your name, Bush! You won't fool us (eyebrows raise) again!" said Tom Brokaw. But before he could utter another word, Bush decked him and he went sailing through the air and into the juke box which jumped to new life playing Minnie the Moocher.
"Yeah, Dubya. What does the "w" stand for anyway?" said Franken in his perpetually annoying whine.
"Winnabego..."
"Why does it stand for that?"
"Because when I'm done with you, that's what you'll think hit you..." replied the america's head honcho.
Seeing that the idiotic crap he has been spouting for years had written a check he couldn't physically cash, Franken lost all control of his bowels and pooped a pile of silver dollars. Both embarassed and surprised at this work of rectal wizardry, Franken sustained a fainting spell and passed out onto the floor where he then wet his pants.
Michael Moore stood his ground.
"You don't scare me, Mr. President," said Moore.
"I thought you more intelligent than that, Michael. But, you really have no reason to fear me. I wish to parley with you."
"What?"
"I have admired your work for some time. I was a devoted follower of TV Nation until it was cancelled. The Awful Truth was not bad either. But, as of late, your work has become rather whiny and irritating...like Bowling for Columbine. What a bunch of crap that was."
"You're right...I have lost my way...my cameos in such great films as Canadian Bacon starring John Candy went to my head. I have failed as a witty social commentator."
"Not true, Michael. You just have to start over from the beginning."
"Thanks, Mr. President. I will."
"Oh, and one more thing..."
"Yes?"
"I am gonna have to beat the crap out of you for all the grief you've given me."
"Understandable, sir. I hold it an honor to have the crap beat out of me by my beloved commander in chief."
...Bush then, literally, beat Moore until he pooped his pants...
The following is a public service announcement from the Republican Party.
"Hey, Billy! You wanna overthrow the government and have all of its citizenry be our obedient thralls?" said Johnny.
"Sounds good to me, but isn't that treason?" replies Billy.
"Of course not!" says a voice from off screen.
"It's Unable-to-Distinguish-Between-Good-and-E
vil-Man!" they say in unison.
"Anything is perfectly legal in America! It's a free country!"
"Isn't that kinda muddy logic?"
"That's how he operates, son!" says another voice off stage.
"GEORGE BUSH!" all three shout.
"You see, kids, treason against the state isn't all fun and games. In fact, in your parents' time, it was punishable by death. Just look at the Rosenburgs."
"Yes, but the Supreme Court doesn't believe in treason anymore! You'll never make it stick."
"That's true. But I can thrash YOU!" Bush then bludgeons Unable-to-Distinguish-Between-Good-and-E
vil-Man with a shovel until nought is left but a bloody smear in the grass.
"Remember kids. Don't commit treason, there ain't no reason!"
"I'll say!"
READ ANN COULTER...READ ANN COULTER...READ ANN COULTER...READ ANN COULTER...READ ANN COULTER...READ ANN COULTER...READ ANN COULTER...READ ANN COULTER...READ ANN COULTER...READ ANN COULTER...READ ANN COULTER...READ ANN COULTER...READ ANN COULTER...READ ANN COULTER...READ ANN COULTER...READ ANN COULTER...
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Now THAT'S propaganda the way it OUGHT to be...
tra la la la la...
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