Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Evil Doug's LiveJournal:

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Friday, November 20th, 2009
6:47 am	When Evil Doug gets to set Thanksgiving menu... Well, I shall be preparing turkey...burgers...and sweet potato...fries. Dessert shall come courtesy of a case of Mars Variety Bars (Milky Way, Snickers, 3 Musketeer, you know...). Now THAT is honouring the holiday up RIGHT. Of course, as we will have company, I will also be cooking up traditional goodies...but for me, you can't go wrong with cheesebugers...ever...regardless of occassion. Oh, and random heads-up, Silk Nog is AWESOMETATIC!!!! Aaaaaand, half the calories of regular egg nog. If you don't like regular Silk, though, it may make you puke. Soooo, guess that is a double heads-up. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 19th, 2009
8:09 am	Now THAT is love... Or, at least, the weirdest/sweetest lines in film/TV... ″I was hiding under your porch because I love you. Can I stay?″ - from Up. ″I brought you jewels!″ - from Freddy Got Fingered ″I caught you a delicious bass.″ - Napoleon Dynamite Ah, feel the warm fuzzies...feel'em I say... ″He brings love, but he brings it with a hammer.″ - Ben Edlund, commentary on ″Arthur Interrupted″ episode of The Tick (1 Comment |Comment on this)
7:43 am	″Chocolate pudding is dramatic irony.″ This is the kind of thing you put on a T-shirt! ″Chocolate pudding is dramatic irony.″ Just so poignant and true, the longer you think about it. Regardless of political affiliation, or whether you agree with the article it comes from, you have GOT to admit, this is one catchy phrase. Thank you, Ann Coulter. And, yes, I SHALL use this phrase in daily discourse. Maybe an LJ icon. After all, you know what they say, ″Nicholas Cage is a two-cycle engine.″ (Comment on this)
5:59 am	It Was An Innocuous Enough Wednesday So, dropping in on the Clone You Better research facility yesterday. See, much of the Evil Doug family fortune is divided up amongst a number of charities...unfortunately, a large number of that number are mad scientists masquerading as medical research facilities. As a result, it falls to me to go about, door to door, determining who is, and is not, making good use of the funds bestowed upon them by the Evil Doug Foundation. So, anyway, stopped in at the Clone You Better facility, where science is 'supposedly' researching how to grow saline breast implants using farming techniques that require no soil. Breastroponics, I believe the term to be. No sooner do I enter the R&D department than I see the real truth of the matter...as opposed to the fake truth I had observed in the bosom-in-a-planter brochures in the lobby. Dinosaurs. They were cloning dinosaurs. "Excuse me," says I drawing the needed attention of the gathered scientists. "Yes, sir?" asks one elder gent in a foreign accent, the exact nature of which eluded me. "You're one of those Nobel Prize winning scientitsts, aren't you...performing crazy experiments to achieve your own nefarious ends...aren't you..." "Well, I was nominated, but I never..." "Not the specific I want info on, pal." "Okay, yes, I AM performing crazy experiments. BUT, these are completely legal in my home country..." "But not here." "Only because you Americans are so closed minded! You do not embrace research!" "Like Montezuma told the Spaniards, "You Europeans kill me." "I...what?" "Do you know how long...how VERY long it took me to kill off all the dinosaurs?" "I'll have you know," chimed in another scientist, "that dinosaurs weren't killed off, they evolved into birds. THAT is science." "Yes, and the elephant got its trunk from an alligator pulling on its nose for millions of years...that's not science, that's Rudyard Kipling." "I..." "Answer my question," pressed I as I walked through the lab nonchalantly smashing vials and tubes with a bunsen burner. "You, Evil Doug, it probably only took you less than a day." I pause. "Yes, but that isn't the point. It was a VERY busy afternoon tracking down the entirety of the dinosaur species and killing them all. I actually broke a sweat that day. And it isn't an activitiy I wish to repeat. I almost NEVER got the dino guts smell out of the hilt of my sword." "They don't smell that bad..." chimed in the evolution scientist from before. "Yes they...wait...how...do you...know...how dino guts smell?" He then pulled back a curtain revealing a hidden, inner courtyard where, sure enough, there were raptors. Hundreds of raptors. I sighed, pulled out my sword and began to trudge towards the courtyard door. "You CAN'T!" shouted the scientists in chorus. "That's my POINT! I already DID, and have to AGAIN! Bad scientists...bad BAD scientists!" "I can't bear to watch..." said the foreign scientitst. "Yeah, I hear re-runs suck," I said absently as I kicked open the door and began the necessary bloodletting. Later, relaxing at Evil Doug Manor, I place several calls to disassociate myself from Clone You Better. Tomorrow, I suppose, I shall check out Wampyr of Carpathia Charities Ltd, because I SERIOUSLY doubt all the money they get goes to 'midnight basketball' like the brochures claim... (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 18th, 2009
9:07 am	Evil Doug: Pragmatist Cowboy You know, I have to admit, I kinda grew up thinking that folk who went for the 'cowboy look' (you know, the hat, boots, the BELT BUCKLE!) were, I don't know, peculiar. I mean, more power to them, but, I could not bring myself to dress based on one particular fashion genre (said the man whose closet is filled exclusively with black T-shirts and purple button downs...and pants of course). Besides, one of the most obnoxious people I ever met did the 'cowboy' look. But, now, see, I'm a pragmatist in my dress. I have my lovely duster...which is black, of course. And in my lovely Oilskins of the Outback duster, I am IMPERVIOUS to rain! And the wind does not phase me! In fact, the wind makes the duster trail out and I look ever so dadblasted DASHING! But, I am not completely impervious to the weather. My head gets wet... So...the only logical, pragmatic solution was to obtain a matching oilskin hat. So...yeah. For a couple of years now, I have had the duster/hat combo but have fought with my own inner iconoclast as to whether to wear them in public. Because...I am not a cowboy. That is not my chosen class. I'm a mad-skilled swordsman with a +5 Strength bonus... It's hard to be different when so many people are doing the same dang thing you are. That's why I tuck my knotwork necklace in my shirt now...too many vampire-looking folk saying, "Hey, I like your necklace." Because, you know, I'm not a vampire. I'm an Evil Doug...no no, I am THE Evil Doug! At least I'm the only guy I've ever personally met who wears purple sunglasses. That's, you know, my thing. So, combine that with the faux cowboy get-up and Celtic necklace...and maybe I won't look like a wannabe. Except to the tacky/colorblind vampire cowboy set...who wear Crocs. And, yes, my taste in clothing DOES embarrass certain family when I go in public. Whether it's purple shirt with green tie and white pants or the aforementioned duster deal. I REALLY like, on these occasions, to goad my brother into the arcade where I start playing DDR...MWAHAHAHAHA! "Hey, everybody, he DOES know me! WE'RE RELATED! WHOO BABY! I'VE GOT A 100 COMBO ON HEAVY!" (Comment on this)
6:49 am	No progress...but no despair... Since last posted update, I have lost...one pound. I know the cause, and that cause is I STILL have not adjusted calorie intake. This isn't quite a fair fight as I have discovered so many spiffy new food items AND food combinations...Turkey on Nature's Own Granola & Grains bread with Light Hidden Valley Ranch...DUDE! On the plus side, the calories come from relatively healthy foods...just, too much of it. Whole grains are heart healthy...but packed with "You just blew your count for the day!" calories. So, I know what I NEED to do, I am just not doing it. I think that pretty much goes for most people trying to get in shape. Still doing 3 days a week in the pre-dawn hours at the gym. So, that's something. Not despairing. Been going back and looking at videos and pics from the long ago and am a LOT better off than I was back then.Even though I am not lifting at the weight level I once could. Oh, yes, I shall be mighty again...I just need patience...and to lay off the yummy crispbread and hummus. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 17th, 2009
6:53 am	The Palantir "Soon he will have a force large enough to assault Middle Earth." "You know this?" "I have SEEN it." "A palantir is a dangerous tool, Saruman!" "Why? Why should WE fear to use it?" "They are not all accounted for, the lost seeing stones...we don't know who else might be WATCHING!" (Gandalf grabs the shroud and throws it over the orb, and SUDDENLY, there is a flash of an eye...and a second eye...and a stack of money) (deep bass bumps) BOOM B-B-B-BOOM BOOM BOOMBOOM NOW TELL ME WHO'S WATCHIN'... "That's the money you could be saving with Geico...old friend...it would be wise to join it..." I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE...SOMEBODY'S WATCHIN' MEEEEEE... (Comment on this)
Monday, November 16th, 2009
8:56 am	Video Games, Guys, and Television in General. Many women are upset with their guys. The reason: They spend SO much time playing their video games and NOT enough time paying attention to THEM. Am I here to justify neglecting your spouse/girlfriend for the sake of digital entertainment? No. Like ANYTHING, if an activity takes up too much of your time, it isn't healthy. "A hobby should pass the time, not fill it." - Norman Bates from Psycho (some people quote Dr. Phil, Evil Doug quotes Stephen King, Hitchcock, or Camus...go figure...) But, at the same time, video games ARE a form of digital entertainment. Similar to how men, for generations, have spent hours watching baseball or football, some are now choosing the less passive route of video games. So, the argument that "he spends too much time in front of the TV" is NOT a new one. It just extends beyond Sunday afternoons now. So, before you go apecrap and start yelling at the guy in your life because he should be paying attention to you rather than his rank in online deathmatches, think about a few things to bring things into perspective. 1. It's not you. Don't take it as a personal slap that he is choosing to play a game rather than spendins a quiet evening with you. Dr. Kevin Leman said it best in one of his books, Sheet Music or Sex Begins in the Kitchen, I forget which, when he said, "If given a choice between sex and a steak dinner, sometimes a man will choose the steak." So don't feel all threatened, okay. 2. Men are visual. Everyone knows this. This is one reason why television and video games are appealing to men. Something that drives me nuts is when parents say, "Oh, our children can read all they want, but NO TELEVISION!" Sure, that's good for the verbal/linguistic little girls, but little boys, being hardwired to be visual, learn/absorb information more readily by seeing, not reading. I can quote movies/TV I have SEEN a LOT more readily than books I have READ. 3. Escape. Women read books with romantic heroes who sweep the heroine off her feet. Show me a woman who says, "JANE AUSTEN SUCKS!" I dare you. Show me. Now, yes, some guys like to read and some even like Austen (raises hand), but to unwind after a long day, I prefer popping some head shots with my magnum. 4. You could play along? While someone I told this to pointed out that she has epilepsy and cannot, this is probably not the case with everyone. "But, Evil Doug, I don't like shooting people in the head!" Not ALL video games are about shooting people in the head...some let you shoot people in the groin! Joking. There are some games that involve no blood whatsoever. Little Big Planet for PS3 is one of the absolute coolest games to come out in a while (and has multi-player). Music games like Guitar Hero or DDR are non-violent. Mario Party or just about anything on the Wii. Not too familiar with X-Box 360, but there are bound to be a couple of non-third person shooters out there for that console, too. 5. Try watching. Games are becoming more story driven. So watching people play video games is not the dull activity it once was. I watch Rachel play all the time. The good stuff often has a deep/involved plot. There's a reason games are making the leap to film...usually leaving behind the spiffy story that was present in the original game, so don't judge Tomb Raider by Angelina Jolie. The Final Fantasy games are (or rather, have become) essentially interactive movies thanks to advancements in graphics and technology. Personally, I don't get as jazzed about movies anymore as I do about good video games. Uncharted: Drakes Fortune and Uncharted: Among Theives are shining examples of how awesome story-telling can be in a video game. After Lucas 'nuked the fridge' in Indy 4, where else is there to go for high adventure? Sure, El Dorado and the Cintimani Stone are not as shiny MacGuffins as The Ark of the Covenant or the Holy Grail...but they beat the crap out of Crystal Skulls. If, after all your attempts to coexist with your guy, you STILL can't stand him playing video games 'all the time,' then see my previous post about crappy relationships. Dump his sorry self and move on. "These are not the droids you are looking for." (8 Comments |Comment on this)
8:11 am	Maybe I Just Don't Understand... Maybe it's just being a guy. I've been told that men are analytical and pragmatic...so, perhaps that's it. But, to me, if a person is in a relationship, it is because they derive some benefit from said relationship. Like owning a microwave. If your microwave makes yummy Hot Pockets (oh my GOSH the Spinach Artichoke are AWESOMETASTIC) then you're set. If it, instead, requires constant maintenance and only serves to make you frustrated...then...mightn't it be time to get a new microwave or, heck, even just use the oven? I am incredibly blessed to have in my life a woman who not only puts up with my numerous quirks, but most of the time actually LIKES for me to be strange and finds humour in my bizarre nature. She is the COOLEST wife EVAH! Any woman who says she wants a PS3 for our wedding anniversary...I mean...DUDE! HELLO! BEST...WIFE...EVAH! So, being in this relationship with the perfect wife for me, I look around at people I know and am saddened because, well, people seem to be in situations where they're like, "Well, I absolutely HATE this person I live with...but, meh, what can you do?" In situations where they are married or there are children involved, and these are some of the situations I know of personally, it becomes sticky...trying to "stay together for the kids." But...in other situations with people I know personally, they're not married, no kids...so...what gives? Why would you be in a relationship that makes you feel worse than you would if you were alone? I don't get it. If she/he is driving you batcrap, sleeping around with other guys/girls, and you are BOTH miserable...then...what gives? I loved our Volvo. It was the car we had when we were married...had nearly 240,000 miles on it. I miss Elmo...but, there was a point where I was like, "Okay, I can't keep taking you to the shop just to get you to limp along until the NEXT time you go in the shop." I also realize that there are relationships where one party or the other is thinking, "I can change him/her," and so they stick around hoping that their love will make the other person not be a total crapwad. But...again...after a couple of years...wouldn't they learn? Life is too short to spend large amounts of time being frustrated with a busted microwave. Easy test: Would you PAY someone to hang around and do to you what your significant other does? If so, then, the investment of your emotions is being rewarded. If not...then, seriously, what ARE you getting in return for your investment? "She stabbed me again last night." "DUDE! What the heck?!" "Well, it didn't need as many stitches this time." "Then why the CRAP don't you leave her?" "Well, because I love her..." This isn't advice directed towards anyone on my friends list (because the people I am talking about don't read LJ anyway), unless, of course, the guy/gal you're with stabs you because they "love you too much." Then, might wanna check that. Fast. I know...codependency...emotional issues. A whole host of reasons this stuff happens...but, to me, it just doesn't make any sense. There is an addendum to this coming up about video games...next post. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 12th, 2009
10:07 am	The Six Million Dollar Faust "Faust is broken..." "No he isn't..." "Marlowe...not Goethe..." "Oh..." "But we can rebuild him...we have the technology..." Montage of scholar running and jumping...in slow motion... "We can make him faster...stronger...prouder..." A well dressed gentleman appears out of thin air... "Mwahaha! Your time is up, Faust." "Ah, Mephistopholes!" "Faust is broken...again..." "Wait...why did he speak English...I thought he was German..." "Again...Marlowe, not Goethe..." "Right..." "But, again, we can rebuild him..." Montage of scholar, this time, a bit more beaten up... "We can make him faster...er...and strongerer...and prouderer..." Again, a well dressed man appears out of thin air... "Mwahahaha! Your time is up, Faust!" "Ah, Mephistopholes!" "Faust is broken...again...again..." "Maybe his girlfriend could help fix him this time..." Sigh..."Again..." "My bad..." "Know what...we're 12 million bucks in the hole at this point...let's start over..." "King Arthur is broken..." "Malory or..." "Oh, shut up..." (Comment on this)
8:01 am	America's Next Top Benefactor Continuing his knack for obscure allusions only fellow Engish teachers might get...Evil Doug presents... America's Next Top Benefactor! We combed the cemeteries of England to find just the right talent. Just the right criminal background. Just the right ability to frighten young boys into bringing them pie. We narrowed down the field to 20. Then our panel whittled it down to 10. Some showed promise... ″So, your protege mistook YOUR kindness...and attributed it to the batty old recluse in the wedding dress?″ ″Yes.″ ″Same with you?″ ″Afraid so.″ Some just didn't have what it takes... ″So I taught her to talk properly, then fell in love...like some Greek tragedy...yes, JUST like something Greek...″ ″I bought her paintings with money from my twin employers to help her and her sick father...because I love her.″ Many do it for love...but few have the talent, the raw skill to be benefactors for impausible/cryptic reasons. Join us as we crown... AMERICA'S NEXT TOP BENEFACTOR (3 Comments |Comment on this)
7:23 am	″I can't stand the rain...″ and ″Just doing my part...″ Seems it simply can NOT stop raining. What I find amusing, though, is that during weather reports, you know, in between flash flood warnings and notes on record/above normal rainfall and such, the meteorologist will finish up with ″But we are still below average after last year's drought.″ ...erm...at...at what point does 'last years drought' no longer factor into the 5-day forecast? Isn't that why we have 'average rainfall' measurements...because...it goes up and down? I know, I know...'last year's drought' is further proof of global warming. I get it. You can stop with the congratulations already. It is embarrasing, I mean, I can't take all the credit. Sure both our cars are SUV's now...and I switched from a reel mower to a gas powered...but it is not all about me. Sure, people look at me when I tool around town in my 5.2 liter V8 with the AC on AND my windows down. And they say, ″Evil Doug, YOU are destroying the PLANET!″ And I appreciate the thought, but it isn't fair to all the hard working people who use 100 watt bulbs and leave their TV on all night. It is so much more than being about me...it's about the children...and killing all those polar bears to make the world better for the aforementioned children. And...did I mention the children? Then let the children tell you in a cute montage... ″I am afraid...″ ″Afraid of a future full of polar bears...″ ″The world's second largest land carnivore...″ ″Second only to the kodiak...″ ″Those damn kodiak...″ ″And having polar bears shove their religion down our throats...″ ″Violating civil rights...″ ″Violating church and state..″ ″Violating people...in obscene ways...in the bathroom at Fuddruckers... ″ ″And eating little Timmy...″ ″And eating little...″ ″...little Timmy..″ ″And eating little Timmy.″ ″So, please, President Obama. When you go to Copenhagen, please tell the world 'Let's kill those polar bears!'″ ″Kill them...″ ″Kill them for the future...″ ″Kill them...for little Timmy.″ (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 10th, 2009
7:06 am	Waiting for Godot: The Hip Hopera The idea of making something new from something old is alive and well! In the tradition of rock operas and hip hoperas, Evil Doug brings you Waiting for Godot! ″We need a bit of life direction/ So let's hang ourselves and get an erection (scratch scratch)″ Yes, Sameul Beckett's existential classic like it was MEANT to be seen and heard! Lucky! What's that, Pozzo? I said LUCKY! What's that, Pozzo? Take off your @&?*% hat! Say what? Take off your big fat &@*% hat! Naw! Life's absurd! Take off that @&*%# hat! Let me speak my little word! Help me get his &@*%# hat! Waiting for Godot! See the spectacle! Boy: Godot's on his way but he ain't comin' today. So all you punk &%# %#@*& betta sit down and stay! Estragon: Is he comin'? Boy: Yeah he's comin'! Estragon: Cause my boots don't fit! Boy: Yeah he's comin'! Estragon: Cause my boots... Vladimir: C'mon Gogo, won't ya cut that @&*%! Don't just see it...LIVE IT! GODOT! WAIT FOR IT!!! (Comment on this)
Monday, November 9th, 2009
7:16 pm	Feel GoodTime... Crazy times. Folk should read/watch something happy. A couple of GREAT books I read a while back by Gail Carson Levine. Each a companion book to the other, really, set in same universe. Ella Enchanted Fairest Couple of movies, also in a fairy way... Stardust Penelope 10 Items or Less (not a fairy tale, but good) (Comment on this)
6:52 pm	″Chinese have a lot of hells.″ and ″Hrrm.″ Been looking for Big Trouble in Little China on Blu Ray since release...see, it was supposed to be an extended cut (presumably re-incorporating the deleted scenes and thus the 'powdered deer horn' running gag would be there). But, as have had no luck, I looked into ordering...guess what...no extended cut! Just the same deleted scenes as 2-disc DVD had...and in standard def, no less. With storage capacity and seemless branching, there is no excuse for not having extended AND theatrical versions on same disc now. YA HEAR ME, NEW LINE!!! Not buying theatrical LotR. And Disney STILL hasn't released Narnia: Wardrobe Extended on Blu. Sigh... Well...on the plus side, Watchmen: Ultimate Edition hits shelves tomorow for DVD and Blu. Got Black Freighter spliced into Director's Cut...also seems the motion comic is in this set and some other snazzy stuff. Look for packaging with skull and crossed swords. Related Watchmen note...new Sackboy costumes for Little Big Planet. There is something fun/perverse about playing as a cute, chibi style Rorschach. Hrrrrm. (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 8th, 2009
3:37 pm	HAHAHAHA!!! House Speaker Nancy Pelosi- ″Well, Democrats voted for the bill and a Republican voted for the bill. That equals bipartisan.″ I needed some levity on the radio as my Bears are losing to the 34-7 to the Cardinals. If that is bipartisan, I am quivering with anticipation to learn what constitutes ″affordable″ health care. And, no, this isn't partisan shouting down on my part. I am a monarchist (with designs of my own lordship). Both parties suck...it is just the Democrats have been more laughable of late. OH, BONUS FUNNY. Republicans that won in this past week elections...were using phrases like ″change,″ ″future″ and ″dreams″ in their acceptance speeches. Uh huh. Ha! Then, off the record, shouted ″SUCKERS!″ a la Precious Roy (quick, name the reference!) So, in 2012...will the GOP run against Obama on ″Hope and Change.″ I am going to be laughing my...erm, copter...off as this reform goes through the Senate and even more come big elections next few years. Our system is corrupt and broken...either laugh or cry...and I am ROLLING!!! (Comment on this)
2:34 pm	Just crunching the numbers here... So, the House passed the reform bill last night...under cover of darkness...apropos. Estimates range from 1.2 trillion to 2.6 depending on source. Sooo...let us say 1.2 and according to census.gov, US population just over 300 million...so, to fund this, every man, woman, and child will need to pay $4,000 each for this. Well, since not everyone pays taxes...it will be a bit more to achieve ″affordable health care.″ But I am sure that *I* personally will not have to pay anything...only the rich. Because, you know, rich people are good about paying their fair share and never use loopholes/tax shelters to keep their money. It sure would suck if this was REALLY just gonna rape the middle class right up the...wallet. Well...four thousand dollars...plus whatever to make up for those infants, homeless, inmates etc who don't pay taxes, is not a bad one-time price for...what? You mean, this is not a one-time only price, but the creation of a NEW beauracracy? You dirty cynic you, how dare you think ill of congress. At least we will have free health care...oh, right...only ″affordable″ health care. So...$4,000+ to get the thing rolling...then probably close to that amount per year to fund the system, THEN we can BUY ″affordable″ insurance from the government. Sounds fair. Of course...after all this outlay of money we don't have...who determines what ″affordable″ is? The same government famous for efficiency and prudence...that just passed over a trillion dollars worth of reform during a recession. They know about what people can ″afford.″ (Comment on this)
7:48 am	What up with Big Lots...and, erm, strange toys? Stopped in at the local Big Lots the other day. Uh, is it just me, or is Big Lots getting to be not so cheap anymore? Many things there are not only more expensive than Wal-Mart, but a LOT of things in their toy department are the same price or even MORE EXPENSIVE than Toys R Us. That's saying something right there. Don't get me wrong, Big Lots still has ridiculous low prices on DVD's...limited selection, but still low. I picked up Ringers: Lord of the Fans for 3 bucks (it's no Trekkies, but that's a different story altogether). But, slowly, they're becoming, I don't know, an upscale closeout store? Anywho, while there I once again saw Star Wars Stack'em Keychains...anybody seen these. Well, I looked at them, and...well, you judge. Tell me if you see anything odd looking about these boogers. Here's a close-up of Boba Fett. Also, anyone ever seen Tech Deck Dudes. They look like this. Anyone have any thoughts? Reserving any commentary to see if anyone else sees anything...unusual. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, November 7th, 2009
3:30 pm	Yo Joe...hold on...NO! The Good News: Paramount, at least according to a number of internet sites, has said, "Ya, we're looking at doing a follow up to Rise of Cobra." SHINY!!! AWESOME! Eccleston rocked as Destro! Levitt was okay as Commander, if they give him the right mask next time... The Bad: The cast is contractually obligated to return...yay Eccleston...erm...no...wait...that means Channing Tatum will be coming back. Honestly, the low key, deadpan acting form the bulk of the heroes, from Breaker to Heavy Duty to Scarlett and the vanilla acting of Baroness and Storm Shadow...okay, yeah, they were not too good, but, they emoted. Their faces changed expression. When playing the video game based on the movie, I noted to my wife, "Hey, the poorly rendered character of Duke does a better job of acting than did Channing Tatum." To which we laugh and agree. Yeah, he just kinda read his lines...What the heck were they thinking. And...he's contractually obligated to reprise this role. Crap. Well, Brendan Fraser had a cameo in RoC as Sgt. Stone...maybe he'll be back and change him to Flint...that'd be cool. The more I reflect on Rise of Cobra, the more I like Marlon Wayans portrayal. He added flavor to the film. He was fun...granted, he wasn't Ripcord...maybe he should've been cast as Shipwreck, but, then the whole pilot thing would've fallen flat. And Hawk worked. Quaid tore that one up...he would have been a good Duke, for that matter. As for who *I* would cast in a Joe film...well, I'm at a loss. The only perfect fit would be Ray Park as Snake Eyes, which they did and he nailed. But, I can make a pretty short list of who NOT to cast in these roles...and I see them listed in this film's credits on IMDB. Oh, Stephen Chow as Quick Kick...now THAT would be perfect casting. Tiny Lister (aka Zeus) as Roadblock because it would be so fun/incongruous having him rhyming his sentences...AWESOME Roadblock. Or Cool J...he rhymes anyway. Matt Keeslar as Duke, maybe? Anyway...here's hoping the sequel has more satisfying *BOOM!* than did the first fizzle. And HISS Tanks...I want some HISS Tanks...and I wanna DRIVE a HISS Tank in the next video game tie in, ya hear me EA? Cobra mission (singular? Why just one?) was okay, but I want to DRIVE a HISS not just blow them up! Oh, and in NO WAY related to this, just saw Star Wars Battlefront: Elite Squadron for Nintendo DS at Toys R Us! WOOHOO! But...no online play...just four player local...CRAP! EPIC FAIL!!! EPIC EPIC *EEEEEPIIIIIIC* FAIL!!!!! Shame on you! ALSO, in no way related to this, look out guys, the Ultimate Edition of Watchmen hits store shelves Tuesday. Hrrmmm. (Comment on this)
12:30 am	″Do not explain gravity to your father.″ Know how if you leave out refrigerated condiments like mustard...the air inside warms, expands, then spurts out corresponding condiment when you open it? That...that is my only defense... We were having fish sticks. Right. And, to get the last of the ketchup out, we inverted the bottle on the table. Son asks for more ketchup, I oblige...and it keeps coming out, and I try to close it but that would only cut into the now flowing stream of ketchup making another mess. So, I try squeezing the sides to suck it in to stop the flow...no go. Ketchup continues to flow like spice under the responsible eye of House Atreides. Finally just close the cap, splat. My wife rightly asks what I expected...as I DID continue to hold the bottle upside down AND open. My son, brilliant boy who can add and subtract two digit numbers and write in cursive at age 6, decides to helpfully enlighten me as to what I missed. ″It is called gravity, Daddy. Gravity is the force that pulls everything towards the Earth.″ In vexation and despair of my attempts to explain away my mess, I can only respond by coining a new family phrase that has already been used multiple times... ″Do not explain gravity to your father.″ (Comment on this)